What’s retired husband syndrome?

Retirement can be a difficult period for married couples who have not prepared for the transition. In the traditional setting, men are defined by their careers and not by their gender roles as father or husband, while women have maintained different roles both at work and at home. When men retire, they can feel lonely and become more dependent on their spouses, which can trigger the retired husband syndrome.

Retired husband syndrome is a stress-related illness that occurs among women whose husbands have just retired or are approaching retirement. It occurs when a spouse begins to exhibit signs of depression or physical symptoms as the husband nears or approaches retirement. Some of the common symptoms of retired husband syndrome include anxiety, ulcers, high blood pressure, loss of appetite, skin rash, depression, and asthma.

Where did the retired husband syndrome originate?

The term “retired husband syndrome” was coined by Dr. Nobuo Kurokawa during a presentation to the Japanese Society of Psychosomatic Medicine in 1991. Dr. Kurokawa, who has a surgery center in Osaka, had been treating an increasing number of Japanese women of a certain age who exhibited similar symptoms i.e. skin rashes, asthma, high blood pressure, and depression.

In the traditional Japanese family setting, men and women were expected to meet certain social requirements. These requirements dictate that men are the breadwinners and work outside the home, while women are housemakers and are required to take care of domestic responsibilities. As a salaryman, the man leaves home in the early mornings and returns home later in the night. Hence, the husband and the wife do not interact extensively when the husband is working.  

When the husband retires, the couple can feel like they are living with someone who is a virtual stranger, and it can be especially stressful for the woman who is expected to attend to her husband's every need. This abrupt change can cause stress and lead to a certain level of resentment towards the husband. The divorce rates among older couples have soared in recent decades due to retired husband syndrome, with the number expected to increase as more baby boomers retire.

Common symptoms of retired husband syndrome

Spouses who develop the retired husband syndrome may exhibit certain symptoms. They include:

Irritability

Spouses of retired husbands may experience increased irritability, mood swings, and frustrations due to changes in domestic routines and increased proximity to the retired husband.

Depression

With the retired husband spending most of the time at home, spouses may experience feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and a lack of interest in activities they previously enjoyed like baking.

Stress

The spouse may feel overburdened with the increased household responsibilities and changes in household dynamics. The spouse may also feel overwhelmed by the husband’s presence all the time.  

Physical symptoms

The change in routine can result in physical symptoms like fatigue, headache, skin rash, etc. due to emotional and psychological stress. Stress can affect the immune system, and trigger existing conditions like eczema and hives.

Loss of appetite

The spouse may experience changes in eating patterns due to emotional distress. Also, when the husband is frequently present at home, there will be a loss of personal time and space, including meal time.

Asthma

Stress is known to exacerbate asthma symptoms in some individuals. Increased stress levels can trigger airway reactivity, which can worsen asthma symptoms.

How to cope with retired husband syndrome

When a husband or wife retirees, it is possible to smooth the transition. Here are some strategies to help you cope with the challenges associated with a retired husband:

Figure out finances

When one partner retires, it is expected that the household income will decrease since the retired spouse will no longer receive a salary. While this means that the household will be able to save on certain expenses such as commuting and work-related expenses, new expenses may arise depending on how the couple spends their time. The couple should explore how the income change will affect the household budget and plan a budget based on the available retirement income streams.

Establish boundaries

When both partners are around, they should set boundaries and ground rules so that each partner knows their role and how to relate to each other. If both partners are working at home, they should have designated areas of the house where they work. There should be an agreement on when each partner needs a quiet time to work, and who will be handling interruptions from kids, pets, or even neighbors. Additionally, couples should create self-care activities such as exercises and relaxation techniques, and engage in activities that promote their well-being.

Plan the division of labor

Managing a home comes with various responsibilities, and the couple should have a conversation about the division of labor. Once one partner retirees, it is easy for the other partner to expect that the retired partner has a lot of free time to help with household chores. However, the couple should agree on how to share responsibilities, depending on what they are most comfortable with. If the retired partner wants to pursue a passion or interest, the division of labor should allow them enough time to pursue their own projects.

Establish new routines

With the abrupt change in routines, both spouses should create a new routine that allows for personal time and shared activities. The routine should allow each spouse to pursue their own interests and activities. Also, creating a predictable schedule can provide a sense of stability in the marriage.